BEGGING FOR LOVE/ the full version 2009

I'd like first to congratulate you for your talent in creative writing. I really enjoyed reading the story, and I hope that it would be the beggining of a great writer like you.

As a reader, I would be pleased to contribute with some remarks that I think you would benefit from. In the second line of the first paragraph, you used the phrase "a plenty of money"; I think that it would be appropriate to use "some" instead of it. My second remark is about the use of the simple present in the first lines of the second paragraph(Though his stomach IS usually full, Bilal still FEELS...often PROVOKES him), the seventh and the ninth lines of the forth paragraph(his little miserable face IS enough to tear people's eyes...and urgently CALLS for nurture) and the last line of the seventh paragraph (the girl felt she IS being chased.). As a story teller, you should rather use, as you did with most of the verbs in the story, the simple past tense. I wonder if your aim was to highlight on the idea that "stative verbs" should be used in the simple present tense, but still I say, with reference to my modest understanding of grammar, that the simple past tense would be appropriate and still it conveys the idea of "state" in the past. More than that, narrating a story means reporting it;the latter requires following certain steps such as the use of the past tense.Whereas I agree with you when you used the simple present in the fifth paragraph, forth line,(for it IS the missing hope one needs to feel ok.) because it is the fact of every human. Another point in favour, is the use of a semicolon in the fifth line of the fourth paragrapgh (Half an hour after the Imam finished the prayer; the boy took off his hat...). The first part of the sentence cannot be independent- that is, it cannot stand by itself, so you should rather use a comma instead. I hope, with my little background of English, that my points are clear enough and useful, too.

Best regards